Thank you for smoking
I think that in my entire high school and college career, I smoked less than one full pack of cigarettes. It was an easy decision--basically whenever I smoked a butt, I felt sick. I could never understand what all the fuss and attraction was about. It was simple cause and effect logic--I smoke, I feel sick. Simple solution: don't smoke. Despite a few attempts to use the cigarette angle to pick up a girl back in the college days, I still think I smoked about 15 cigarettes in my life.
Granted, I do enjoy a good cigar or shisha from time to time, but I don't inhale either of those, and don't get the nausea reaction that cigarettes (or chewing tobacco) would cause. So, that's been the deal for my adult life.
However, after three weeks in the Middle East, I'm converted. I'm going to have to take up smoking because I'm now addicted to second-hand smoke, and when I get back to the US in a few hours, I'm not going to be able to find that second-hand fix, so I guess I'll have to do it myself.
In all seriousness, I have never been so surrounded and overwhelmed by cigarette smoke. Sure, any French person under 40 can't go more than 35 seconds between smokes, but when you only work 5 hours a week, I guess you have to fill the time somehow.
But in the Middle East, smoking is a way life, and most societies there are still dealing with basic issues like finding solutions to some of the highest rates of unemployment in the world, so little public health issues like smoking don't rise to the level where anyone is going to take action.
I don't think I had a single meal in public that wasn't augmented by the foul stench of a smoldering butt inches away from my face. Taxi drivers routinely light up, not matter how long or short the drive. I started measuring the length of business meetings by the number of cigarettes smoked either by the interviewee or my assistant.
Every office has an ashtray. I was at a bank in Beirut getting change and was behind a man at the counter who was standing next to a no smoking sign. He was blazing away, and of course there was an ashtray on the floor next to him. Airport lounges, public offices, restaurants, taxis, elevators, absolutely everywhere, people in the Middle East smoke. And I have to say, on a scorching hot day when traffic pollution and sand hover in the air, there's nothing more appealing than sucking in a lung-full of hot smoke.
And of course, in the same way that your cat will find the most allergic and cat-hating person in the room and jump in his lap, cigarette smoke follows me everywhere. I can be sitting at a table of smokers and every cigarette will be trailing its cancerous wind directly in my face--no matter how I swerve, move, or position myself. It was simply ridiculous as I tried to minimize the amount of shit I was breathing in, I couldn't escape it.
So, I figure I might as well give in and start going with two packs a day. On my budget, that means I have to trade off lunch and probably a third of dinner to be able to afford the cost, but that' an easy trade. What's the point of eating when you can't smell or taste the food anyhow? Plus, I like this cough I've developed over the last few weeks, and I think I'd like to keep it around. And the best part is that cigarettes are great for making your voice deeper and smoother sounding, which will help my radio career.
So, my thanks go out to the 50-100% of the people in the Middle East who smoke. Because of you I will now eat less, improve my radio voice, and chronically feel sick--not to mention that my hair and clothes will smell like an ashtray--which is another of the most appealing qualities of smokers.
Thank you for smoking.
